The Stress Monster

I think every college student has had an experience with feelings of overwhelming despair toward the end of the semester.  Long papers suddenly creep up out of nowhere.  Reading assignments that seemed manageable in September grown in size without any warning and sleep becomes nothing but a fond memory.  The temptation to crawl under a rock and hide until Christmas becomes incredibly desirable. 

 I’m in that place now.

As I swim through the piles of books and papers, I find myself wondering if my professors hate me. What other possible reason could they have for piling everything onto the last three weeks of school? But I like to think that human beings are generally good, caring creatures, so asking questions like that makes me sad.  Instead of wondering whether my professors are actually plotting to drown me in work, I prefer to place the blame on the Stress Monster. 

The Stress Monster is a sort of Muppet-esque creature that I created to attempt to make sense of the madness that is life close to exam time.   Please don't  be fooled by its seemingly benign appearance. It's actually responsible for all of the stressful things in life: 

 Tests

 Research Papers

Doctor's Visits

Missing Socks in the Dryer

At the beginning of the semester, the Stress Monster is relatively easy to take care of.  If you keep it well fed on a diet of occasional procrastination and forgotten homework, it behaves and stays relatively quiet.  

 Toward the end of the semester, though, the Stress Monster’s appetite seems to grow considerably. 

 Since it feeds on panic and frustration, when it finds itself faced with a lack of food, it sets out to cause situations that will bring about those feelings. I’m convinced that the stress monster is responsible for all of the papers, projects, tests and exams (and missing socks) that I will have between now and December.

 

The Stress Monster is crafty.  It survives by luring you into a false sense of security.  At the beginning of the semester as you look over your syllabus, the Stress Monster is the little voice in your head saying “this isn’t going to be so hard!”  It even lets you stay on top of your work for a month or two, to really cement the idea that you can do everything that needs to be done.  Then, when your thoughts are preoccupied with Thanksgiving and Christmas, it pounces.  First on you...

Then on your professors...

 

The trick is not to let the Stress Monster win. How? It hates responsibility and planning.  I would like it very much if I could be one of those responsible people who plans and fends off the Stress Monster with organized calendars and color coded day planners, but I’m not.  Instead of being inspired to fight back when the Stress Monster appears, my brain does the opposite.  It sees the gargantuan list of work to be done and goes into panic mode, which usually consists of naps, random internet browsing and lamenting how much I have to get done, all while doing very little of what actually has to be done.  It’s a devious spiral of despair.  I panic about the amount of work I have to do and am rendered virtually incapable of accomplishing anything.  Then I panic because I realize that I don’t have time to be incapable of doing anything.  This cycle repeats until I reach a breaking point and either do lots of work very rapidly, or collapse into anxiety-riddled depression. 

And that makes the Stress Monster happy. 

Pet Peeve #1: Bipolar Weather

Lately I’ve noticed lots of strange, little things that bother me. I think I probably have mild OCD, because usually I am incredibly bothered by insignificant things that somehow feel like mini-apocalypses to me. 

Mini-apocalypse #1: Bipolar Weather.

I love the rain. I also love sunshine. I’m okay with either one, as long as the temperature is bearable. I don’t like rain and sunshine at the same time.

Rain makes me feel like reading and drinking hot chocolate and taking naps. Since I love books and hot chocolate and naps, rain really isn’t a big issue for me like it is to some people. 

Sunshine makes me want to go outside and take pictures and get lots of work done because it gives me energy. I like both of those things, too. Maybe not as much as naps, but close. 

Rain and sunshine happening at the same time, though, is a problem. It shouldn’t be, considering the fact that I enjoy them both individually, but it is. It's a little bit like salami sandwiches and fruit smoothies. By themselves? Delicious treats. Together? A gag-inducing combination of flavor. That's about the way that rain and sunshine happening at the same time makes me feel. When I look at the sky and wonder "why is this happening?" the sun and the clouds seem to mock me and I'm suddenly filled with frustration/rage, both at the sky for behaving this way, and at the fact that I can't make the weather do what I want it to.

I think the problem is that seeing both things happening together confuses me. I like nice black and white boxes to put things in. Because of that, I think I feel that everyone else should also behave that way, including the weather. I have very different feelings that are brought on by rain than by sunshine. When I see them together, my brain goes into overload and can't choose the appropriate feelings, which leaves me feeling befuddled. Suddenly instead of "book, hot chocolate and nap" I'm forced to choose between "get lots of work done or take a nap".

There's also the issue of how to dress/prepare for weather. Where normally I would simply grab my backpack and run out the door, I have to agonize over what to wear. Jacket or no jacket? Umbrella or sunglasses? Flip flops or rubber boots? 

Should this frustrate me? Probably not. Is it silly? Most definitely. But it does bother me. Because a 50/50 decision should not be so difficult. Yet no matter which one I choose, it's always wrong.

That part frustrates me most of all.