The Stress Monster

I think every college student has had an experience with feelings of overwhelming despair toward the end of the semester.  Long papers suddenly creep up out of nowhere.  Reading assignments that seemed manageable in September grown in size without any warning and sleep becomes nothing but a fond memory.  The temptation to crawl under a rock and hide until Christmas becomes incredibly desirable. 

 I’m in that place now.

As I swim through the piles of books and papers, I find myself wondering if my professors hate me. What other possible reason could they have for piling everything onto the last three weeks of school? But I like to think that human beings are generally good, caring creatures, so asking questions like that makes me sad.  Instead of wondering whether my professors are actually plotting to drown me in work, I prefer to place the blame on the Stress Monster. 

The Stress Monster is a sort of Muppet-esque creature that I created to attempt to make sense of the madness that is life close to exam time.   Please don't  be fooled by its seemingly benign appearance. It's actually responsible for all of the stressful things in life: 

 Tests

 Research Papers

Doctor's Visits

Missing Socks in the Dryer

At the beginning of the semester, the Stress Monster is relatively easy to take care of.  If you keep it well fed on a diet of occasional procrastination and forgotten homework, it behaves and stays relatively quiet.  

 Toward the end of the semester, though, the Stress Monster’s appetite seems to grow considerably. 

 Since it feeds on panic and frustration, when it finds itself faced with a lack of food, it sets out to cause situations that will bring about those feelings. I’m convinced that the stress monster is responsible for all of the papers, projects, tests and exams (and missing socks) that I will have between now and December.

 

The Stress Monster is crafty.  It survives by luring you into a false sense of security.  At the beginning of the semester as you look over your syllabus, the Stress Monster is the little voice in your head saying “this isn’t going to be so hard!”  It even lets you stay on top of your work for a month or two, to really cement the idea that you can do everything that needs to be done.  Then, when your thoughts are preoccupied with Thanksgiving and Christmas, it pounces.  First on you...

Then on your professors...

 

The trick is not to let the Stress Monster win. How? It hates responsibility and planning.  I would like it very much if I could be one of those responsible people who plans and fends off the Stress Monster with organized calendars and color coded day planners, but I’m not.  Instead of being inspired to fight back when the Stress Monster appears, my brain does the opposite.  It sees the gargantuan list of work to be done and goes into panic mode, which usually consists of naps, random internet browsing and lamenting how much I have to get done, all while doing very little of what actually has to be done.  It’s a devious spiral of despair.  I panic about the amount of work I have to do and am rendered virtually incapable of accomplishing anything.  Then I panic because I realize that I don’t have time to be incapable of doing anything.  This cycle repeats until I reach a breaking point and either do lots of work very rapidly, or collapse into anxiety-riddled depression. 

And that makes the Stress Monster happy.